It seems so easy
for you to go on
everyday, without me
by your side.

I wonder why
my heart breaks
every time
we speak or meet.

Knowing that you
cannot fathom
my feelings, my emotions
and my mood swings.

I need you to hold me,
hug me tight
and whisper sweet nothings
into my ear.

It’s not much to ask for
Just some time
and emotion
to be surrounded by love.

I hold on to precious memories
of you and I
which are sketched in my mind
and carved into my heart,
As I know time is limited
and we’re not letting go
until we get through this
rough path.

There seems to be a mix
of aggression and calmness
creating a paradox
in Your emotions
It thrills me yet I am afraid
to explore this unchartered ground.

Your fingertips digging into my skin
while you hold me tight
I feel so helpless, in Your grasp
yet I feel the need to obey
the need to respect
I am reminded of my tasks.

You need not speak
just one look and I know
exactly what needs to be done
just one move of your hand
would mean I have failed
and that I am not worthy
of You.

The need to satisfy
is deeply rooted in me
this must be my weakness
or my best strength
Because when you are happy
My heart melts.

I am nobody without You
Your guidance, Your security
Your faith in me to serve
You keep me in my rightful place
Just below your knee.

I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.
And when you make love to me
My body and soul - you soothe.

I love the way you make me happy,
So discreet yet so sweet
And when you tell me that you love me
it makes my heart skip a beat

I love the way we argue
over the silliest things
and when you crack your witty jokes
a smile to my face you bring.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending shivers down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And I’m glad that you are mine.

It’s great to be optimistic innit?

I miss being optimistic…so I’m going to start being all happy and positive about everything once again!

So what’s good about these days is that:

1) It’s raining!!! That always means hot chocolate and loads of curling up under the sheets and reading novels (especially the soppy kind)

2) I’m working again! Wooo hooo! I only feel wholesome when Im working…. (Does that mean I’m a workaholic???? o_O)

3) I’m taking things a bit easy…. which is a good thing and maybe a bit bad as well cuz I slack when I take things easy…

4) I have a whole one and a half months for exams and I’ve started to study!! It’s always been the last minute cramming sessions and this is deffo a new improvement!!

5) I’m easier to please now…. my high expectations have disappeared…kazam! vamoosh!

6) I’m dating again and it feels a lot better. (Ok, maybe it’s more than just dating.. *blush*)

7) I’ve grown even more close to my sis and mom. We are like the gilmore girls now plus one more sibling. (Maybe convert Lane into a sibling??)

8 ) I’ve embraced the true meaning of Buddhism thanks to a certain someone. I’ve experienced so much in life and it’s time to mellow down a bit.

9) I’m finally going to be 21 in two weeks. I’m prolly the last one out of all my friends… (Feels all nangi-fied)

10) I’m an emotional wreck, I’m passionate about my beliefs and I stand up for what I think is right, I’m a big hyperactive ball of happiness and I also resemble a wabbit (a cute one at that), I’m irrational, crazy, happy-go-lucky, a person who loves to love and be loved And I’m so goddamn happy to be me!

All of a sudden - SILENCE.

Someone had pressed the fast-forward button. All I could hear was the whirring sound of the tape of life. Suddenly, I was 26 years old and drafting out my future. I was finishing up my degree, other qualifications, planning my wedding, making plans to migrate. It was all even better than what it was before. Everything finally felt RIGHT. THIS is what I had been waiting for all my life…. and I was enjoying every minute of it. I thanked that someone who pressed the much needed button and helping me stumble upon the much awaited future.That someone was me.

All was good until I fell. - I fell out of love, out of uni, out of my mind.

That’s when everything came crashing down.

The familiar silence was followed by that eery whirring sound. This time, I was not so eager to hear it. Because I knew, it was time to go back. Go back in time to be that 20 year-old who had years to complete her education, years to even plan her future.

So here I am.
Back where I should’ve been all those years.

So what’s wrong then? It’s been a life changing experience has it not?
It sure was life-changing. I got so used to being 26 years old, that I’ve forgotten how to be 20 again…
It feels like my life has been shattered into a million pieces and I need to find each piece and make the puzzle fit to find myself again.

All of a sudden…. I feel very very lonely and I have 999,995 pieces more to go.

I have now officially lost my NIC. You know what’s worse? I can’t remember how or where or when I lost it.
I waited for two weeks, hoping that someone would’ve found it and sent it back by post. But no! Nothing. Nada. Zilch!

So, I went to the police station on Tuesday, for the first time in my life.
There were a few people behind bars and policemen walking all over, idling (not surprising now is it?). We were directed to the complaints and reports areas where there was a long queue. It was fascinating for me because I had only witnessed such scenes in movies, dramas and soaps…. There were people in slings, bandages soaked in blood, women in tears, all making their statements and complaining away to this single policeman who probably didn’t give a rat’s rear about their problems. He was writing away - pages and pages of how it happened, why it happened, when it happened and the works.

“Oya miniha karapu balu wadeta oota hena gahanna oneh.” a woman wailed.

“Mama dannawa oya gaanita karana de” a man bellowed

“Mama balan innaddima eka mage minihata gahagena gahagena giya raalahaami” a woman whimpered.

All this was written word-to-word on that book of complaints.

After 3 hours - it was finally my turn.
“Mokada missy prashne?” the policeman asked me.
“Mage NIC eka nathiwela raalahaami” I replied.
“Aah aththada? Padinchiya thahawuru karala graama sevakagen liyumak genaawada?”
“Er…mama gaawa passport ekai, driving licence ekai thiyenawa. Madida?”
“Baa baa, ara liyuma arang enna! EELANGATA!!!!”

He pushed me off.
So basically, I sat there amidst murderers, rapists, people who were quarreling, women who were wailing; for 3 hours, all for nothing. I went back home.

I was told that the graama sevaka came next, on Thursday.
So, on Thursday when I went to get my letter from him, he took out his anger and frustration out on me. He bellowed in my ear for everyone around me to hear saying what a nuisance this was to him, and how corrupt the police was.

I just sat there listening to him. (I owe the patience factor to Mr Sandypwants)

After a big ha-ho, I was on my way again to the police station.
And once again, I was faced with that long queue of people. Atleast this time there were few people who’d visited the hospital minutes before they came to the station.
I also saw this prisoner in handcuffs walking about. o.O

Just when I got there, the officer-in-charge of the complaints section just left without a word. After an hour we got to know that there was no one to write in the complaints book till next week.

“Meh mona wikaarayakda meh? Poleeciya wasaa atha kiyala board ekak daapalla!” A man threatened and spat before he stormed out!

I smirked.

“Poleeciya mewata nisi piyawarak ganne naththang, apita piyawara ganna wenawa!” another man spat.

I was loving the drama.

A new officer was sent to the complaints desk. When it was finally my turn, the officer was like, “Oya dannawada NIC eke issue date eka?”

“Naa neh.” I replied.

“Ehenang birth certificate eke copy ekak genna!”

I WAS FUMING BY NOW.
It was the 2nd day that I came to this dump and they were making such a huge fuss just to WRITE a complaint saying I HAVE LOST MY NIC on that SHITTY BOOK!

I stormed out of the place, went back home, got my birth certificate and came right back, only to realize there was a new officer at the desk. When I showed him my documents he said “Aiyo, birth certificate eka oneh naa neh!”

THAT WAS IT!

I literally turned red in anger.
I kept my mouth shut and waited till he wrote down my complaint. It was all done in 10 minutes.

So yeah, the job that usually takes 10 -15 minutes took me 3 days to complete.

SRI LANKA - A LAND LIKE NO OTHER!

“No can do, my mom might hear” she whispered. “What are we doing Dan? I’m so confused..”

“We are floating about remember?” he said. “Listen Sasha, I want you to be sure…I want you to know that I wont push you into anything. I don’t want you to rush into anything because we have all the time in the world.”

“You know I want to land right Dan? You know that what we have is out of this world… it’s unbelievable that sometimes two people click together so well.” she whispered.

His voice softened.. She loved it when his voice varied like that.

“I know…and even though I would love to officially land with you, I also know how much it means to you that people around you will judge you…. and when I land with you, I want the whole world to know…..so take as much time as you like.”

“B-b-but, what if we float away from each other? I don’t want that to happen. I can’t expect you to stay forever” she said out loud, in frustration.

“Sasha, the way things are going, I don’t think we can actually float away. At least I know I can’t. You see, we are like two feathers floating about…and bumping into each other from time to time. Trust me, the winds will never push us away from each other.” he soothed her.

“Dan, I think I need to land now.” she softened her voice again.

“But are you sure this is what you want?” he asked.

“Yes, with all my heart. I want this. I have never felt such an amazing connection with anyone in my life. I usually don’t use the word amazing too often, and this is the perfect moment to use it. Dan, you are amazing! Truly Amazing! This is not some kind of attention seeking gimmick or a fling or whatever you want to call it. It’s something beyond words. The connection is amazing!” she whispered in the darkness.

There was a familiar silence. Not awkward, but this knowing silence that surrounded them making each other communicate even without words.

“So this is it then.” he said.

She could feel his smile in his words.
So many feelings were communicated in that split second, in the darkness and silence… so much!

He glanced at his watch and made a note of the date and time.
“This moment might be the best in my life.” he whispered.

With that sentence…the silence and darkness surrounded them once more and cradled them to a deep slumber.

The birds were soaring
making formations
snake handlers roaming
with eery music notations
“Annaasi Annaasi”
The hawkers yell
“Its made of shark bone ma’am”
the man with the beaded necklaces, tells.

Boats of all sorts sailing away
“Currents are too strong for snorkelling”. some say.
The fish of majestic blues fighting for the bread
That a foreigner threw in just for a kick.
The rugby players loosing all focus
When the girls in bikinis keep walking past them
We sit and laugh at their frustration

The sea spray keeps cooling me down
The soft sands exfoliating my skin
The music making me groove
the fumes making me fly
The lights entertaining me
The friends always around….
This would be a time to remember
When we headed downtown.

Someone wise said:

“The past in comparison to the time ahead is nothing, and to keep a relationship going great, just the right guy isn’t always enough … it’s mainly based on a feeling that carries you on.. that keeps you wanting him forever and if that feeling is lost then i think you’ve lost everything. You’ll have the perfect relationship with the perfect guy in the worlds perspective, but not in your heart.”

This is how I feel exactly. I might seem callous in many people’s eyes, but I don’t care anymore. Its about time I stopped giving a rat’s rear about what people think about me.

Thank you to all those who were there for me when the going got tough…
And I’m sorry for hurting you…..the person I care about the most!

1. Complete this list by adding up to 100 things on it.
2. Go back packing across the world and visit every possible city (Completed - Bangkok, Delhi, Agra, Rajastan)
3. Learn a new language and make sure I use it.
4. Swim with a dolphin
5. Go skinny dipping
6. Go bungee jumping
7. Try climbing mount Everest (Atleast conquer a bit of it)
8. Build my own Eco-friendly home
9. MARRY
10. Send a message in a bottle
11. Ride a camel
12. Plant trees
13. Stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without having gone home.
14. Dance and sing in the rain like there’s no tomorrow
15. Sing a song alone in front of an audience (Completed)
16. Write my will
17. Work at Greenpeace or WWF
18. Grow a garden and make a meal out of those veggies and fruits.
19. Go in a hot air balloon
20. Have a one night stand with someone who I will never meet again.
21. Kiss someone who I just met on a blind date
22. Fart in a crowded place
23. Give to charity anonymously
24. Create my own website.
25. Create my family tree
26. Run in a marathon
27. Go skydiving
28. Take a ride on a fighter jet
29. Visit the Titanic on a submarine
30. Climb a great pyramid in Egypt
31. Walk the entire path of the Great Wall
32. Take an African Safari
33. Watch the sunset over the Ayers Rock
34. Walk the Inca trail - Peru
35. Explore Antarctica
36. Ride a Harley Davidson on an open road
37. Gallop a horse on the beach
38. Go on a roller coaster
39. Stand on the rim of a volcano
40. Be in two countries at once
41. Make love on the beach/forest floor
42. See the seven wonders of the world (one completed)
43. Volunteer anywhere, anyhow
44. Have a Latin Lover
45. Swim in the dead sea
46. Write a book and sell at least one copy
47. Go on a ship at night
48. Sponsor a needy child
49. Study Abroad
50. Watch the Northern Lights
51. Look into my child’s eyes and see myself in them.
52. Have at least 5 piercings
53. Have my portrait painted
54. Go to Disney World
55. Visit a chocolate factory
56. See the ruins of Pompeii and feel the emotions that they might have felt.
57. Write a letter about myself to my future grand children.
58. Kiss in the rain
59. Hug a Koala Bear
60. Fly first class
61. Get a tattoo
62. Go on a glass-bottomed boat
63. Catch a snowflake on your tongue
64. Hold hands with a monkey
65. Have a rooftop picnic
66. Slow dance by candle light
67. Go in a horse drawn carriage
68. Have a barbie collection (Started)
69. Bury a time capsule
70. Flirt shamelessly
71. Go to the movies by myself
72. Find a four leaved clover
73. Be an organ donour
74. Own a hybrid car
75. Dance like no one is watching (Completed at numerous occasions)
76. Write the story of my life
77. Build a tree-house and use it as my escape route.
78. Give a homeless person my lunch (Completed at numerous occasions)
79. Help out at a soup kitchen
80. Pretend to be invisible
81. Test drive a Lamborghini diablo

82. Steam up a car