*~Restless Ecstasy~*

I love the way you look at me,
With those big and dark brown eyes.
And whenever I’m down with the blues
You’ll always make me smile

I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.
And when you make love to me
My body and soul - you soothe.

I love the way you make me happy,
So discreet yet so sweet
And when you tell me that you love me
it makes my heart skip a beat

I love the way we argue
over the silliest things
and when you crack your witty jokes
a smile to my face you bring.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending shivers down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And I’m glad that you are mine.

Yeah, I’m careless…

I have now officially lost my NIC. You know what’s worse? I can’t remember how or where or when I lost it.
I waited for two weeks, hoping that someone would’ve found it and sent it back by post. But no! Nothing. Nada. Zilch!

So, I went to the police station on Tuesday, for the first time in my life.
There were a few people behind bars and policemen walking all over, idling (not surprising now is it?). We were directed to the complaints and reports areas where there was a long queue. It was fascinating for me because I had only witnessed such scenes in movies, dramas and soaps…. There were people in slings, bandages soaked in blood, women in tears, all making their statements and complaining away to this single policeman who probably didn’t give a rat’s rear about their problems. He was writing away - pages and pages of how it happened, why it happened, when it happened and the works.

“Oya miniha karapu balu wadeta oota hena gahanna oneh.” a woman wailed.

“Mama dannawa oya gaanita karana de” a man bellowed

“Mama balan innaddima eka mage minihata gahagena gahagena giya raalahaami” a woman whimpered.

All this was written word-to-word on that book of complaints.

After 3 hours - it was finally my turn.
“Mokada missy prashne?” the policeman asked me.
“Mage NIC eka nathiwela raalahaami” I replied.
“Aah aththada? Padinchiya thahawuru karala graama sevakagen liyumak genaawada?”
“Er…mama gaawa passport ekai, driving licence ekai thiyenawa. Madida?”
“Baa baa, ara liyuma arang enna! EELANGATA!!!!”

He pushed me off.
So basically, I sat there amidst murderers, rapists, people who were quarreling, women who were wailing; for 3 hours, all for nothing. I went back home.

I was told that the graama sevaka came next, on Thursday.
So, on Thursday when I went to get my letter from him, he took out his anger and frustration out on me. He bellowed in my ear for everyone around me to hear saying what a nuisance this was to him, and how corrupt the police was.

I just sat there listening to him. (I owe the patience factor to Mr Sandypwants)

After a big ha-ho, I was on my way again to the police station.
And once again, I was faced with that long queue of people. Atleast this time there were few people who’d visited the hospital minutes before they came to the station.
I also saw this prisoner in handcuffs walking about. o.O

Just when I got there, the officer-in-charge of the complaints section just left without a word. After an hour we got to know that there was no one to write in the complaints book till next week.

“Meh mona wikaarayakda meh? Poleeciya wasaa atha kiyala board ekak daapalla!” A man threatened and spat before he stormed out!

I smirked.

“Poleeciya mewata nisi piyawarak ganne naththang, apita piyawara ganna wenawa!” another man spat.

I was loving the drama.

A new officer was sent to the complaints desk. When it was finally my turn, the officer was like, “Oya dannawada NIC eke issue date eka?”

“Naa neh.” I replied.

“Ehenang birth certificate eke copy ekak genna!”

I WAS FUMING BY NOW.
It was the 2nd day that I came to this dump and they were making such a huge fuss just to WRITE a complaint saying I HAVE LOST MY NIC on that SHITTY BOOK!

I stormed out of the place, went back home, got my birth certificate and came right back, only to realize there was a new officer at the desk. When I showed him my documents he said “Aiyo, birth certificate eka oneh naa neh!”

THAT WAS IT!

I literally turned red in anger.
I kept my mouth shut and waited till he wrote down my complaint. It was all done in 10 minutes.

So yeah, the job that usually takes 10 -15 minutes took me 3 days to complete.

SRI LANKA - A LAND LIKE NO OTHER!

Yeah, It’s tough… Moving on. But I’m going to at least try. I know everyone wants to know the reason behind it, but the truth is…no one will ever understand. In everyone’s eyes, I’ll always be the villain. Why? Because he’s the nicest guy a girl can ever find. Yes, he really really is. But I’m sticking to my decision for reasons no one else can fathom but me.

Someone wise said:

“The past in comparison to the time ahead is nothing, and to keep a relationship going great, just the right guy isn’t always enough … it’s mainly based on a feeling that carries you on.. that keeps you wanting him forever and if that feeling is lost then i think you’ve lost everything. You’ll have the perfect relationship with the perfect guy in the worlds perspective, but not in your heart.”

This is how I feel exactly. I might seem callous in many people’s eyes, but I don’t care anymore. Its about time I stopped giving a rat’s rear about what people think about me.

Thank you to all those who were there for me when the going got tough…
And I’m sorry for hurting you…..the person I care about the most!

I like to think so.

Life’s been good after the marathon of A/Ls but has become very stressful at the same time. I guess it’s a phase of adjusting to the outside world and taking up responsibilities more seriously. The days where I was pampered and looked after are long gone, and I find myself out in the open road that was illustrated to us as this beautiful, carpeted highway with the appropriate directions and road signs, ready to guide us through. We all knew this was going to happen one day or another, so what seems to be the problem? Well, for starters, it turns out my open road is not a luxurious highway but a gravel road full of dust and dirt with large potholes with hardly any proper road signals and guidance.

Yes, life is tough. Especially when you are living in Sri Lanka anyway. When I asked my cousins whether they had a post-teenage crisis, all I got were sniggers and snorts.

“Achchi ammek wage katha karanne nathuwa inna” (Stop talking like a granny) was one of the harsh replies.

But seriously, am I the only one who’s feeling this? Was life easier for young adults in the past? Is it the sky-rocketing inflation rates the cause of it all?

FINANCE-WISE:
To be honest I haven’t bought something fabulous in quite a long time now. I’m always looking out for bargains which can be so stressful and finally after a day’s of wandering around end up with NOTHING! Most of my hard-earned cash goes to my phone bill and food. Its depressing the way money disappears off these days especially when you have to go through so much to earn the darn thing.

I also don’t feel like asking for money from my parents. I know for a fact that even they are having financial crises with the ongoing economic situation in Sri Lanka. I try to even pay my tuition fees with my own money without asking from my dad. I often wonder how daily labourers and people who earn very little survive these days….do they starve? steal? beg or borrow? How do people overcome the stress of life?

EDUCATION/JOB-WISE:
The goal of most students nowadays is to get as much as certifications and qualifications as soon as possible. It’s more of a trend that everyone’s following really, but it’s given the statement “the survival of the fittest” a whole new meaning. Should I follow the trend? Will I be deprived of better job opportunities if I don’t?

My ambition as I’ve mentioned earlier is to become a policy maker on sustainable development. (hopefully) Thanks to financial situations, I am in Colombo University doing a degree in International Relations. (Yes, a B+ was not good enough for a Geography major) *sigh* They all say IR will help me in future, but will it really? Will I ever like it as much as I loved Geography? Will I achieve my goals in life with an BA in IR?

I hope things ease out soon. I don’t want wrinkles on my forehead before due time!

Yes, I’m a strong buddhist. I do not go to temple every day nor do I worship lord Buddha 2-3 times a day, but I believe in the buddhist way of life; I believe in karma : what goes around comes around. Is that what’s happening to this country? Is it all coming back to us now? Is that what’s happening to the entire world? Before expanding on to the entire world, I’d like to talk about what’s happening in our dear little country, Sri Lanka.

“Is there a place justifying violence and conflict in out religious traditions?”

This is something that has been in my mind since the day every one was all for the “all out war”. It’s been bothering me so darn much that I even picked it up as a project title for a course assignment at uni. *sigh*

Firstly, what is Buddhism?

It is, as we know, more of a philosophy than a religion per se, which focuses on personal spiritual development, a deep insight into the true nature of life and does not worship any gods or deities. According to Buddha’s teachings, the ethical and moral principles are governed by examining whether a certain action, connected to body or speech is likely to be harmful to one’s self or to others and thereby avoiding such harm. This is achieved foremost by cultivating good conduct by training in what is known as “The Five Precepts”. One should be aware of the fact that if one breeches any of it, it will result in an action that is known as “Karma” and one must examine how such a breech can be avoided in future.

Of these above mentioned five precepts, I’m going to stress on the first:

“To undertake training to avoid taking the life of beings”

This means that all beings, humans and non-humans alike, have a right to live their lives peacefully and this right should be respected.

Now let’s move on to Violence and its relation to buddhist ethics…

In modern use, “violence” is used broadly to describe negative human actions harmful to other living beings, living organisms, eco-systems and the environment. This is opposed in Buddhism as I initially confirmed by pointing out the first precept. Buddhism is a peaceful way of life and nothing in Buddhist scriptures gives any support to the use of violence as a means of resolving a conflict.

This is what Buddha feels about violence and conflict:

“Even if thieves carve you from limb to limb with a double-handed saw, if you make your mind hostile, you are not following my teaching.”- Kamcupamasutta, Majjima-Nikaya. 28-29

“Hatred will not cease by hatred, but by love alone.
This is the ancient law” - “Yamaka Wagga”, Dhamma Pada

“In times of war
Give rise in yourself to the mind of compassion
Helping living beings
Abandon the will to fight
Wherever there is a furious battle,
Use all your might
To keep both sides’ strength equal
And then step in to reconcile this conflict”

Given that Sri Lanka is the proud home of Theravada Buddhism and the fact that the majority of Sri Lankans are Buddhists (69.3%) , it is unimaginable how and why within the last two decades Sri Lanka has experienced such severe violent activities. True, the violent activities has no direct link to Buddhism, but the the occurrence of violence in Sri Lanka has challenged sustainability of Buddhism in Sri Lanka and is seemingly influencing the society. This unhealthy conditions have become such a routine to us that we are oblivious to the gory details of such incidents unless the numbers of the deaths are high and more damage has been done.

This is not only apparent in the ongoing war situation, but in the rise in crimes such as kidnappings, rapings and other anonymous murders etc. I believe that the roots of such violence in Sri Lanka are based on economic factors, linguistic issues, issues in equal opportunities and human rights, democratic representation in the political system and other issues which all reflect Buddha’s views on the link between “Thanha” (Greediness), “Aasha” (Necessitation) and Violence. The more you necessitate, the more your calm and composed frame of mind is impaired.

Do we need more than just Buddhist teachings? Yes, I believe that Sri Lanka is desperately in need of a “righteous leader”. Buddha states this, in a legendary outline (stated in the Cakkavattisihanada Sutta):

“In this way monks, money was not being given to the poor. Poverty flourished; because poverty flourished, theft flourished; because theft flourished, weaponry flourished; because weaponry flourished, murder flourished; because murder flourished, these beings’ vitality decreased.”

Because of this king’s inability to provide a means of wealth for the poor, poverty increased in that society and created a violent context. As a result, crimes increased. This can be taken as an example to compare the economic situation of Sri Lanka and to draw parallels to the increasing rates of violence.

Buddhism as stated earlier promotes a peaceful way of life. It speaks of Metta (Compassion), Ahimsa (Non-violence), Tolerance, Wisdom, The middle path and peace amongst all. But are any of these in any of our thoughts? We speak of wiping out the terrorists…..seems so simple doesn’t it? But it all involves breeching each and every concept that Buddha ever taught us; each and every good value that He tried so hard to instill in us. We speak of stopping a war…will we be able to stop the hatred people have against each other? Are we assured that another war will not be created? How are we to stop such a war when countries like England and USA could not fight off terrorism by means of armory?

I suppose we all like to hope…. for a better future. Ironic isn’t it?

A man is not completely born until he is dead.
-BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

The sea was rough today. The waves were crashing onto children and their sandcastles, dogs with their play items, and not forgetting the tiny crabs and sea shells…

With it arrived the turtle.

The massive creature crept across the beach waddling through mounds of sand which were mahoosive obstacles for this tired creature. After a great struggle, he gave up. He gave up, and spread himself amongst the rubble on the beach.

Crows were circling around it, dogs were barking and trying to attack, but not a sign of movement from this glorious creature.

I watched it all from afar.

I felt proud to have seen this majestic being relaxing on the beach and not bothered by anything or anyone. I felt ashamed of how I am moved by what others think about me or what others do to intimidate me…and with this thought I approached it..

That was when I realized.

It was dying.
It couldn’t be strained anymore. Eyes were full of pain and sides streaked with blood. This was the moment where it all ended.. I couldn’t bear to watch. It was too painful for me to see a turtle who could to live for hundreds of years more was at its deathbed right in front of me.

A tear ran down my cheek.

And with that it had its last breath. It was over, nothing more could be done here.
The wounds were already infected and the stench was attracting the loathsome houseflies.

I turned around and faced the ocean

That was when I heard the men speak. “Ikmanata muge katta gaththa nung hari” (Quick, let’s get its shell) Why is everything in this world tainted with greed? Every moment is exploited and is regarded as an opportunity? Why not let the turtle be? Let it decay into the ocean where it was born and raised…Let it once again be a part of the circle of life? But no, cruelty in mankind would make them rip the creature apart, use the flesh as meat and shell as decorations.

What evil did that turtle do to deserve such a fate? Has it ever harmed any one of us? This is the irony of life as they call it. The best part is how we are able to live with it all and walk away as if nothing is erroneous.

I am the hypocrite who passed those men and walked towards to horizon.

Just being a wee bit creative :]

Wut a cliche huh????? It’s such a hackneyed phrase (especially because Mr Keating had a song with this phrase in his lyrics as well as the title) that ppl are like….”Hey! Enough with that already!!!” But I’m a sorta person who realizes that these simple phrases mean a lot at times…

Since I’m right after my A/Ls and since I MAGNIFICENTLY completed them by writing BRILLIANT answers (NOTE THE SARCASM) it was a period of mixed emotions for me… I was happy and excited because the sh*t was over and sad about the fact that I screwed it up and was confused about my future….. So, the ppl in my household was pretty much suffering due to my mood swings… Later I decided to start doing CIM. (I dnt know why the hell I wanted to do it…probably bcuz it was the only thing I liked out of the options I had which allowed me to start with O/L results and was comparatively cheap..) And now I’m continuing going for classes for CIM (thank god its part time and only takes up my weekend…. AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!) See….. I’m happy that Its on weekends and sad that I cnt even go partying on weekends…. *SIGH. Oh well..back to the topic, After going for CIM classes and spending the rest of my week basking in boredom (hmm…I’m using Alliteration… lol) I decided to do someting worthwhile with my time. So I eventually posted my C.V to the UN (for those who don’t know…The United Nations!! Seriously, some ppl were like what’s UN? Outta jokes..!!! :S) Anywez, guess what? They chose me to be an intern!!!! I don’t know for what wacky reason they chose me…but they DID! That was it! My life was recovering rapidly after it took a turn for the worse during A/Ls… It had alwez been my dream to be working at the UN and there it was….right in front of me. (I even went in a big UN vehicle….Yaaaahoooooo!!!) I knw I knw….I’m being very juvenile…..but I’m sure everyone has a childlike qualities inside of us…… And right after my first day at work, when thaththi came to pick me up… guess what was being played on the radio???? Life is a rolercoaster- by Ronan Keating. Then it actually got me thinking…. Life IS INDEED a huge rolercoaster…. probably the tallest, longest, freakiest ride ever!!!! But it still has its ups and downs….. U just have to ride it…. and no matter how bad or how good the ride was, at the end of it……u feel thrilled about the fact that you actually had the guts to ride it and you feel like riding it again just for the heck of it…. So, to all those out there, who are pretty much confused about life and depressed about it…. believe me, Life ain’t that bad!!! There’s alwez the downs which are usually followed by the Ups, and even if you feel like jumping off the rolercoaster…U simply cannot! Thus, we keep riding, hoping to god that you will come out of the coaster in one piece…. Compare your life to a rolercoaster and you will be amazed at how many similarities they both have. So, my friends and foes….. keep riding the rolercoaster of life and try to create an ending where you will be thrilled and happy about the ride and thus want to ride it again!!! Cheers! And may the triple gem bless you alwez!

I finally finished doing it! (I meant my A/Ls you sickos…) lolz! Now I’m kind of bored and all, without it….lolzzzz!! I know, I know, WEIRD ha? (BTW, A/Ls SUCKED BIG TIME!!!) Yes….but life goes on now! Yaaaaaaaay! I don’t even mind goin back to the same old routine…(Refer to “LIFE FALLS INTO RUTS OF ROUTINE” post) But now that I’m kind of jobless, maybe I could make some slight adjustments in my routine… (Come to think of it….I’m not jobless cuz I’ve got loads of stuff planned on my Agenda) But, I’m sure I wont get half of that done, cuz even after my O/Ls I planned soooo much but couldn’t even complete half of those which were “PLANNED” *SIGH

Anywez, other than my crappy A/Ls and my stupid plans…I’ve realized that life ain’t that bad… As long as you go with the flow, things just fall into its right place. I know this sounds weird but, seriously… GO WITH THE FLOW… If you succeed Good for you, if you fail Try Again!!! Thats the way it works! Well…right now fellow bloggers and everyone that’s reading my posts… I’m NOT in the mood to write….but in the mood to PARTAY and go wiiiild! Yaaaaay! So, will bounce off now! Till we meet again….CHEERS!!!

Well…….. The Lit paper is finally over. Unfortunately it was too good to be true…..in other words it was a deceptive, seemingly easy paper…. *SIGH.. Oh well…Life goes on…
I’ve also finished my 1st and 2nd Geography Papers………
Unfortunately we have a 3rd as well…. *SIGH (again)
I’ve gone through my Narayan again….(You know what? I’ve got really attached to that Narayan Book now….I used to hate it in the beginning with all the self-realization crap etc etc….. but now its like WHOA!):D Anyway…moving on….I’m gonna qoute from Narayan AGAIN! “Life falls into ruts of routine” Doesnt this phrase remind you of anything????? Well…it did to me…And the first thing I remembered was…MY LIFE! lolzz! No…Outta jokes! During these few weeks it’s been like getting up in the morning, brushing my teeth, having a wash, having breakfast, lamenting about what I screwed up in my last A/L paper and then going back to studying, fudging around, resuming the study etc etc etc. *ho hum (I’m really over using this word aren’t I? Believe it or not,I got used to it since I watched Ernie and Bert on Sesami Street….LOL!!! Outta jokes)
So, as Narayan says…..Life does fall into ruts of routine. And sometimes it can frustrate you a hell of a lot!

Today after exams….thaththi came to pick me up… Then he was like…So? how were the papers? I replied with a sigh hoping that he would get the hint….BUT NO!!! He then says.. 2 A’s already huh? WOW! Just then….Steam blew out my ears and nose…I was FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!! Wanted to tear up the whole Earth into millions and millions of tiny (mind you.. very tiny) pieces!!! After I bit my own hand for a while (i know its dumb…but that was the only thing that i had to bite…NO! I dont BITE EVERYTHING!!!) i felt much better….. Then when I came home I received bad news about one of my childhood teachers. He had passed away……That was it! I couldn’t take it anymore….. After a while staying locked up in my room, I went into my bathroom with soggy, red eyes… YES! I cried. Then it felt a whole lot better! (Wonder why crying helps?….I mean Scientifically…)

Hmm…..Life falls into ruts of routine. So here I am trying to post something worth while but failing miserably! *SIGH! So, its Night time and according to ROUTINE it’s waaay past my bed time. Too tired to break the routine and try something innovative right now….. SO Im off ta bed! Good night folks! Take Care! Zzzzzzz…………………………………………….