*~Restless Ecstasy~*

Days go by
as I wait long hours
to hear your voice,
to see your smile.

It seems so easy
for you to go on
everyday, without me
by your side.

I wonder why
my heart breaks
every time
we speak or meet.

Knowing that you
cannot fathom
my feelings, my emotions
and my mood swings.

I need you to hold me,
hug me tight
and whisper sweet nothings
into my ear.

It’s not much to ask for
Just some time
and emotion
to be surrounded by love.

I hold on to precious memories
of you and I
which are sketched in my mind
and carved into my heart,
As I know time is limited
and we’re not letting go
until we get through this
rough path.

It’s the way You make me feel
when lying under the duvet
holding me, caressing me,
Your stare fixed upon me
burning into mine.

There seems to be a mix
of aggression and calmness
creating a paradox
in Your emotions
It thrills me yet I am afraid
to explore this unchartered ground.

Your fingertips digging into my skin
while you hold me tight
I feel so helpless, in Your grasp
yet I feel the need to obey
the need to respect
I am reminded of my tasks.

You need not speak
just one look and I know
exactly what needs to be done
just one move of your hand
would mean I have failed
and that I am not worthy
of You.

The need to satisfy
is deeply rooted in me
this must be my weakness
or my best strength
Because when you are happy
My heart melts.

I am nobody without You
Your guidance, Your security
Your faith in me to serve
You keep me in my rightful place
Just below your knee.

I LOVE THE WORLD!! …says Discovery Channel ofcourse

It’s great to be optimistic innit?

I miss being optimistic…so I’m going to start being all happy and positive about everything once again!

So what’s good about these days is that:

1) It’s raining!!! That always means hot chocolate and loads of curling up under the sheets and reading novels (especially the soppy kind)

2) I’m working again! Wooo hooo! I only feel wholesome when Im working…. (Does that mean I’m a workaholic???? o_O)

3) I’m taking things a bit easy…. which is a good thing and maybe a bit bad as well cuz I slack when I take things easy…

4) I have a whole one and a half months for exams and I’ve started to study!! It’s always been the last minute cramming sessions and this is deffo a new improvement!!

5) I’m easier to please now…. my high expectations have disappeared…kazam! vamoosh!

6) I’m dating again and it feels a lot better. (Ok, maybe it’s more than just dating.. *blush*)

7) I’ve grown even more close to my sis and mom. We are like the gilmore girls now plus one more sibling. (Maybe convert Lane into a sibling??)

8 ) I’ve embraced the true meaning of Buddhism thanks to a certain someone. I’ve experienced so much in life and it’s time to mellow down a bit.

9) I’m finally going to be 21 in two weeks. I’m prolly the last one out of all my friends… (Feels all nangi-fied)

10) I’m an emotional wreck, I’m passionate about my beliefs and I stand up for what I think is right, I’m a big hyperactive ball of happiness and I also resemble a wabbit (a cute one at that), I’m irrational, crazy, happy-go-lucky, a person who loves to love and be loved And I’m so goddamn happy to be me!

It’s been great during the past two years when everything seemed to be falling into place at a normal pace. Studies, Work, Relationships, Friends; everything was nearing perfection…

All of a sudden - SILENCE.

Someone had pressed the fast-forward button. All I could hear was the whirring sound of the tape of life. Suddenly, I was 26 years old and drafting out my future. I was finishing up my degree, other qualifications, planning my wedding, making plans to migrate. It was all even better than what it was before. Everything finally felt RIGHT. THIS is what I had been waiting for all my life…. and I was enjoying every minute of it. I thanked that someone who pressed the much needed button and helping me stumble upon the much awaited future.That someone was me.

All was good until I fell. - I fell out of love, out of uni, out of my mind.

That’s when everything came crashing down.

The familiar silence was followed by that eery whirring sound. This time, I was not so eager to hear it. Because I knew, it was time to go back. Go back in time to be that 20 year-old who had years to complete her education, years to even plan her future.

So here I am.
Back where I should’ve been all those years.

So what’s wrong then? It’s been a life changing experience has it not?
It sure was life-changing. I got so used to being 26 years old, that I’ve forgotten how to be 20 again…
It feels like my life has been shattered into a million pieces and I need to find each piece and make the puzzle fit to find myself again.

All of a sudden…. I feel very very lonely and I have 999,995 pieces more to go.

“Speak up, I love to hear your voice” he said.

“No can do, my mom might hear” she whispered. “What are we doing Dan? I’m so confused..”

“We are floating about remember?” he said. “Listen Sasha, I want you to be sure…I want you to know that I wont push you into anything. I don’t want you to rush into anything because we have all the time in the world.”

“You know I want to land right Dan? You know that what we have is out of this world… it’s unbelievable that sometimes two people click together so well.” she whispered.

His voice softened.. She loved it when his voice varied like that.

“I know…and even though I would love to officially land with you, I also know how much it means to you that people around you will judge you…. and when I land with you, I want the whole world to know…..so take as much time as you like.”

“B-b-but, what if we float away from each other? I don’t want that to happen. I can’t expect you to stay forever” she said out loud, in frustration.

“Sasha, the way things are going, I don’t think we can actually float away. At least I know I can’t. You see, we are like two feathers floating about…and bumping into each other from time to time. Trust me, the winds will never push us away from each other.” he soothed her.

“Dan, I think I need to land now.” she softened her voice again.

“But are you sure this is what you want?” he asked.

“Yes, with all my heart. I want this. I have never felt such an amazing connection with anyone in my life. I usually don’t use the word amazing too often, and this is the perfect moment to use it. Dan, you are amazing! Truly Amazing! This is not some kind of attention seeking gimmick or a fling or whatever you want to call it. It’s something beyond words. The connection is amazing!” she whispered in the darkness.

There was a familiar silence. Not awkward, but this knowing silence that surrounded them making each other communicate even without words.

“So this is it then.” he said.

She could feel his smile in his words.
So many feelings were communicated in that split second, in the darkness and silence… so much!

He glanced at his watch and made a note of the date and time.
“This moment might be the best in my life.” he whispered.

With that sentence…the silence and darkness surrounded them once more and cradled them to a deep slumber.

Driving downtown
The view was breathtaking
Looked out the window
and saw the waves crashing
Good friends
Great music
and the breeze to calm you
It was all too good that moment,
when we headed down town

The birds were soaring
making formations
snake handlers roaming
with eery music notations
“Annaasi Annaasi”
The hawkers yell
“Its made of shark bone ma’am”
the man with the beaded necklaces, tells.

Boats of all sorts sailing away
“Currents are too strong for snorkelling”. some say.
The fish of majestic blues fighting for the bread
That a foreigner threw in just for a kick.
The rugby players loosing all focus
When the girls in bikinis keep walking past them
We sit and laugh at their frustration

The sea spray keeps cooling me down
The soft sands exfoliating my skin
The music making me groove
the fumes making me fly
The lights entertaining me
The friends always around….
This would be a time to remember
When we headed downtown.

Yeah, I’ve finally decided to make the list official!! :]

1. Complete this list by adding up to 100 things on it.
2. Go back packing across the world and visit every possible city (Completed - Bangkok, Delhi, Agra, Rajastan)
3. Learn a new language and make sure I use it.
4. Swim with a dolphin
5. Go skinny dipping
6. Go bungee jumping
7. Try climbing mount Everest (Atleast conquer a bit of it)
8. Build my own Eco-friendly home
9. MARRY
10. Send a message in a bottle
11. Ride a camel
12. Plant trees
13. Stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without having gone home.
14. Dance and sing in the rain like there’s no tomorrow
15. Sing a song alone in front of an audience (Completed)
16. Write my will
17. Work at Greenpeace or WWF
18. Grow a garden and make a meal out of those veggies and fruits.
19. Go in a hot air balloon
20. Have a one night stand with someone who I will never meet again.
21. Kiss someone who I just met on a blind date
22. Fart in a crowded place
23. Give to charity anonymously
24. Create my own website.
25. Create my family tree
26. Run in a marathon
27. Go skydiving
28. Take a ride on a fighter jet
29. Visit the Titanic on a submarine
30. Climb a great pyramid in Egypt
31. Walk the entire path of the Great Wall
32. Take an African Safari
33. Watch the sunset over the Ayers Rock
34. Walk the Inca trail - Peru
35. Explore Antarctica
36. Ride a Harley Davidson on an open road
37. Gallop a horse on the beach
38. Go on a roller coaster
39. Stand on the rim of a volcano
40. Be in two countries at once
41. Make love on the beach/forest floor
42. See the seven wonders of the world (one completed)
43. Volunteer anywhere, anyhow
44. Have a Latin Lover
45. Swim in the dead sea
46. Write a book and sell at least one copy
47. Go on a ship at night
48. Sponsor a needy child
49. Study Abroad
50. Watch the Northern Lights
51. Look into my child’s eyes and see myself in them.
52. Have at least 5 piercings
53. Have my portrait painted
54. Go to Disney World
55. Visit a chocolate factory
56. See the ruins of Pompeii and feel the emotions that they might have felt.
57. Write a letter about myself to my future grand children.
58. Kiss in the rain
59. Hug a Koala Bear
60. Fly first class
61. Get a tattoo
62. Go on a glass-bottomed boat
63. Catch a snowflake on your tongue
64. Hold hands with a monkey
65. Have a rooftop picnic
66. Slow dance by candle light
67. Go in a horse drawn carriage
68. Have a barbie collection (Started)
69. Bury a time capsule
70. Flirt shamelessly
71. Go to the movies by myself
72. Find a four leaved clover
73. Be an organ donour
74. Own a hybrid car
75. Dance like no one is watching (Completed at numerous occasions)
76. Write the story of my life
77. Build a tree-house and use it as my escape route.
78. Give a homeless person my lunch (Completed at numerous occasions)
79. Help out at a soup kitchen
80. Pretend to be invisible
81. Test drive a Lamborghini diablo

82. Steam up a car

Have you ever been through
this rough journey of life
where you took the wrong path
and ended up in blight?
Or were you obedient enough
to listen to the wise ones
to take the right path,
no setbacks… no, not one!

Did you walk through dark tunnels
plummet into gorges
and have yourself sink deep
with just your head above the water?
Or was it that straight carpeted road
with no potholes
looking straight into the horizon?

Was it dangerous that journey?
Was it filled with fear, heartbreaks, and frustration
Or maybe it was joyful, with no looking back
not a single sting in your heart
no skipping of a heartbeat…
Sure it was monotonous but it was a lot of fun
Wasn’t it?

Did you climb high hills with a fear of the drop
and walk through rough storms and gales?
Did you see innocent creatures suffer along your way
and stop by just to feel its pain?
Did you prick your thumb when stealing a rose
from a forbidden garden?
Did you fight off the demons, and hurt yourself
when you realized the demon was within?

Or did you see no evil, speak none of it
and hear only of the sweetest things?
Did you never have to fight
because you took mighty advice
from the wisest and the most experienced?
Did you never feel pain because you chose not to
and feel all satisfied and smart?
Was it always correct, those decisions you made
so that you could always smile and laugh.

Do you look back on the hardships
you faced while journeying
or was there nothing worth looking back at?
Did you learn from your mistakes, laugh at some
and think, “I’m going to be a changed man!”
Do you honour yourself for being so courageous
for being so humble, for being fearless
to help a dying man fulfill his wishes?
Do you look back at your past journeys
and imagine what it would be like
if none of that ever happened?
So what will it be
my dear friends (and foes)
Is a question of my concern
Will you take that rough path which makes you strong
Or one of the sweet and simple kind?
They say I am flawed
I make wrong decisions
Ofcourse! And Im proud to say so.
Because deep down inside
I know what it’s like
To make mistakes and grow stronger.

I remember my post of life being a roller coaster….. Well, it’s happening again!

A few days ago, I was upset about the fact that I was broke, filled up with work and deadlines and doing a degree in International Relations which is really not my cup of coffee. Well, things have taken a nice turn for me *touches wood* So this is what’s happening:

1) I’ve changed my major
Most of the students who were selected to do Geography had opted to settle for Economics, International Relations and other glamourous subjects. In the earlier list of eligibility, they had selected 50 students to major in Geography and I was the 70th in the list. But after all those students left, they revised the list and  came up with a new one WITH MY NAME ON IT! WOOOO!

Then came the next headache…choosing between Geography and International Relations.

I spoke to a couple of people about these two subjects and the majority advised me to settle for IR. Why? They said that I would have a variety of job opportunities available. Is this really true? To figure out the scope of both subjects, I’ve listed out possible careers for both:

INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS:

Parliament:
clerks
tour guides
researchers
administration staff

Government Ministries, Departments and Agencies:

International

Peace Corp Volunteer
International Banker
Analyst, CIA
International Research Specialist
Foreign Service Officer
Press Officer
Strategic Planning Specialist
Translator
Instructor
Director of International Marketing
Policy Analyst
Lobbyist
Field staff
Agent, International Bureau, FBI
Consultant to Multinational Corporations
International Correspondent

NGOs

Media and Communications:
Public Relations consultancies
Communications units in Government Departments
Press secretaries
Spokespeople
Speech writers
Liaison officers
Journalists
Political commentators

Education

Government/Politics Teacher
Curriculum Developer/Supervisor
Researcher
Education Reporter
College Professor
Student Affairs Administrator

GEOGRAPHY:

Aerial Photo Interpreter
Facilities Planner
Land Developer
Site Researcher
Agricultural Extension Agent
Forestry Technician
Land Economist
Soil Conservationist
Air/Water Quality Control Manager
Geographer
Land-Use Analyst
Surveyor
Cartographer
Geographic Area Specialist
Location Expert Systems Analyst
Cartography Compiler
Geographic Map Analyst
Teacher
Climatologist
Geographic Information Systems
Map Curator/Librarian
Traffic Manager
Coastal Zone Manager
Geophysics Assistant
Map Editor
Transportation Analyst
Community Developer
Hazardous Waste Planner
Market Research Analyst
Transportation Manager
Computer Mapper
Health Services Planner
Natural Resources Spec.
Travel Agent/Specialist
Computer Programmer
Health Services Organization Manager
Outdoor Guide
Urban/Regional Planner
Demographer
Hydrologist
Park Ranger
Weather Forecaster
Earth Scientist
Industrial Developer
Peace Corp Volunteer
Wildlife Manager
Ecologist
Industrial Planner
Property Manager
Writer/Author
Editor
Intelligence Agent
Public Utilities Specialist
Zoning Investigator
Env. Impact Analyst
International Business Rep
Real Estate Agent/Broker/Appraiser
Environmental Quality Specialist
International Investment Analyst
Remote Sensing Analyst
College/University Professor

Seems like both subjects are equally matched with job opportunities eh? Well, I’ve switched to Geography nevertheless. I like the subject a lot (although it is very much harder and more scientific than IR) and I feel that I can do more activist work and do something worthwhile by doing Geography. I hate desk jobs and would want to work in the field.

When I spoke to my role model: My literature teacher, Mrs. Rajasingham, she asked me to “follow my heart” She asked me whether the numerous graduates of International Relations have helped the world and if so, why there are so many misunderstandings, wars, corruption in the world. I agree. I worked for the United Nations and I know how they pay thumping amounts to the foreign employees who are probably less qualified than most graduates of Sri Lanka.

I hope to join an organization and help create sustainable development in the world one day. So many problems are arising due to environmental degradation and I guess the world needs more passionate geographers than selfish politicians. I know Im being VERY biased here, but what the hell! CHEERS TO GEOGRAPHY!

2) Changes in Appearances

No, it’s not the fact that I’ve gotten fatter… (I’m trying to cut down on pigging out…HONEST!) It’s the fact that I’m going to change my hair colour. I’m trying to experiment with radical hair colours these days and I’ve always been fascinated by BLUE! Yes, you guessed it right, Im colouring my hair blue. (No, not the whole thing, I’ll be kicked out of Uni) Im going overall BLUE/BLACK and finishing it off with electric blue tips!
Hope it all works out ok.

3) Changes in Lifestyle

I’m cutting down on the partying! *sigh* (Yes, it’s possible)

I guess Im sick of going clubbing now. I’m sick of going through the trouble of getting dressed up, starting the night off well, ending up with all my friends drunk or high and sitting in a corner, sulking and smelling of smoke. I hate to rinse my hair for hours to get rid of the smell of smoke from it, I hate it when people start knocking over glasses because they are too drunk to even stand straight, let alone walk, I hate the fact that none of my girl friends come out partying with me (mostly cuz they dont get permission), I hate the fact that I HAVE to wait till my boyfriend drops me home, even though I want to go home earlier (Since I do not own my own car and my father refuses to let me drive his vehicle, alone).

So, Im taking it easy and relaxing at home. No more tiresome weekends for this lass! I might occassionally go out to hang with my girlies but other than that..NADA!

I’m also thinking of concentrating more on my studies without waiting till the last minute, have panic attacks and cram myself into finishing the entire syllabus in ONE day. I hope all this works out well and I dont end up being bored out of my mind.

Well.. that’s all for now folks! Hope life is treating you well as it is for me!

Was browsing through websites (while procrastinating) and stumbled upon these: (FINE! I’m LAME!!)